Father of Mine Tell Me Where Have You BeenTime For The Specialist

“a” has another ear infection. Third or fourth this year. Eardrum ruptured and all. It makes me sad that little “a” has so many problems with her ears. She is a tough old bird though. She got her mom’s ears but my thresh hold for pain. “a” doesn’t even flinch at doctor’s office shots.

She gets it from her dad. I have aggravated injuries because I wasn’t in pain. I read in ESPN The Magazine that professional athletes have this ability to turn on endorphins when they are injured and can actually “play with pain”. I understand that. Years of athletics and bad ankles have forced it out of me. Somehow my metaphysical connection to Peyton Manning seems that much closer.

“H” once watched me get my knee drained when I broke my knee cap. It was 3 days after I broke it and they drew about a pint of fluid off of it. Play with pain … Not my suggestion, but part of an athletic life.

I was a catcher in my baseball life. You get your share of beatings. Bats to the back of the head (twice), Rolexes in the mouth with braces (once backing up first base I caught a coaches arm in the mouth. Knocked the brackets loose on about 6 teeth.) Lots of home plate collisions. And a few stray foul balls to “other” places.

I once took a line drive off the “fleshy” part of the upper inner knee during a softball game while pitching. I had no insurance and was out of work so a doctor visit wasn’t going to help in any situation. Some leftover pain meds did the trick. It hurt. I finished pitching the rest of the game. Hurt like hootus, but ya know, you play with pain.

My ankles are so loose a doctor has recently suggested surgery is the only way to fix them by tightening the ligaments. Later, after I get my artificial L5 vertebrae. They have those now you know. I’m in line. That was a freak knee boarding accident when I was about 15. Nose of the board goes down in the water. I plant face first in the water. Legs go over my head folding me in half. I’ve never felt the same again. Soon, though. Very soon, I’ll get it fixed.

But back to “a”. I miss her today and just want to hold her and love on her.

Happy Memorial Day

Bark At The MoonAn Answer To A Common Question

I’m always confused when asked, “Most embarrassing moment.” I Think I have finally found it, or at least uncovered it from ultra repressed memories.

Commando Clown

Imagine if you will a picture …

It’s a bright spring day in West Texas. I have donned my kelly green 4-H t-shirt, a large pair of my father’s old dress pants with suspenders to hold them up. You know the kind that were available in the late 70’s with rainbows before that icon was hijacked by the gays and lesbians? I had a top hat of some sort and I believe a bandana. My face was painted in white like a typical clown. Where the bleep was I going? Parade in another town.

I was excited. I was in a parade and not on a horse. All the parades I had been in before were on a horse. This time I was going to throw stuff at people from a pickup bed. Later in life I would view parades as a trumpeter. Not a great view either as people could throw stuff at you. It is small wonder I do not enjoy parades. Down 42nd street we rode. Into the valley of death rode the 600! I noticed that it was very cool. My friend told me my pants fell down a few blocks ago. Yes, and I was not wearing anything but tiddy whiteys.

I never thought at 10 I should wear pants under a clown suit.

And that, children, is why clowns never go commando!
(if I can I will find the pic with my getup and post)

Making Believe It’s Leaving Me So Lonely And So Blue What Single Guys Should Know From A Married Man’s Perspective

A few weeks ago I wrote about what you need to think about when you are getting married entitled “Advice To A Young Couple/Bride”. I wanted to take a second and spend some time giving advice to single men. Having “been there, done that,” it’s good to share. That’s what they say.

1. Get Out Of Debt And Save.
A very basic principle so often overlooked in this day and age. You really have to step out of yourself and look into what you want the future to be. Assuming you want to get married, I guarantee a nice honeymoon is in the plans. That’s a vacation you don’t want to be penny-pinching. Assuming you do have a honeymoon, that means you get married. Getting married means a wedding and that’s something she will want. Better to be financially prepared for that as well. If you don’t plan on marriage then at least think of retirement.

2. Travel And Experience.
The best thing I did when I was 18 was to travel to Europe with a wind band. I experienced different cultures and met people from around the U.S. and the world. My perspective has never been the same. Not until you trip over a homeless man in Paris at 4:00 AM will you truly appreciate all that you have. And until you can do #1 above, you can’t do #2.

An awesome way to do this is to get involved with a church that makes regular mission trips. I cheated myself out of so many great experiences by being in debt. There are lots of travel groups and even schools need chaperones to accompany trips. Universities have study abroad programs.

3. Stop Limiting Yourself
I’ve wanted to write for a long time about fear. Fear is so over-rated. I don’t understand why so many people talk themselves out of good opportunities for no other reason than fear. It’s gripping and a liar. They tell themselves, “I can’t,” or simply, “I don’t know,” with a silent desperation voiced only in internal monologue.

The long and short is that when you get married or invest so much in your career, many opportunities diminish. You don’t come home when you want or go out when you want. Marriage is good, but the commitment means that you have certain obligations. And privileges! But being single affords opportunities of time, of which is the only natural resource that must be spent and can never be saved or redeemed.

4. Date
Date lots of people. No reason to think you are married when you are not. This also means you have to be VERY clear with your intentions. Just have fun. Don’t look for a spouse. Look for a good movie date, a good art gallery date, a good dinner date, etc. When you find the person that is the perfect person in all situations, you have probably found your mate. Sex isn’t the objective of a date nor is marriage. All those looking for a good relationships are never disappointed.

I hope this helps. I’ve been wanting to put it out there a while.

There’s A Strange One In The Jungle

I’m finally back home. And what an experience Philadelphia and New Jersey were. Yes, New Jersey. I accidentally took the Ben Franklin Bridge into Camden, NJ. A $3 mistake I will not make again. Philadelphia was an interesting city, especially the old city. I kept thinking, “This is where Ben Franklin walked, George Washington slept and others signed things.” Not so much patriotic as it was cathartic. I had to chide myself for not dreaming big enough. My largest goals affect in the thousands of peoples. These great founders dreamt big enough to affect whole continents and countries with their dreams. As Lloyd Bridges said in Joe vs. The Volcano, “When you are making those kinds of decisions, you’re in the high country.” And they were.

The great thing I found was a site with information on The Judy’s. If you aren’t familiar with them don’t worry. The Judy’s were an obscure band from Pearland, Texas in the late 80’s. They had some really funny feel good songs that I really liked. “Guyana Punch” and “All The Pretty Girls” were my favorite. I snuck around and found the MP3’s. My life is almost complete. If someone can locate Michael Michael and the Max music, (an obscure San Antonio Band) I would appreciate it. Seems some of their current members are in a band called The Klocks. I think.

The trip back was not so wonderful. Friday night I had the world’s worst steak and I tried a martini. The combination of that and a lack of sleep – I could never sleep in my room for some reason – combined to make me very worn out. At 1:00 AM Eastern I finally fell asleep. I promptly awoke at 4:00 AM Eastern with chills and a large stomach pain. I forgot to turn on the heater in the room (it was about 40 degrees outside). Little did I know the flu was moving it’s troops in for the kill. I lay there thinking it was that crappy yankee steak. BTW- don’t go to Philly expecting any more than bagels and Italian food. The alarm went off at 5:00 AM and I showered and packed and left.

I was miserable. I could barely lift my luggage. Fortunately, I had a shuttle to the terminal and got an early flight home. I remember people looking at me very funny when I walked across the plane or rather stumbled down the aisle. There was a first class bathroom 10 feet away, but all us coach cattle had to strut the AA aisle to find relief at the back of the plane. Rich jerks! There was another phrase I wanted to use to describe them, but I won’t. Anyway, I don’t remember much other than getting my bags and laying on them at DFW then vague memories of “a” and I playing on my bed in between trips to the bathroom. “a” kept saying, “Daddy hot.” 7 tylenol into the day my fever was not my typical cold blooded 97.9, but still at 100 degrees. The same as the temperature outside. Notice I went from 40 degrees to 100 in a matter of hours.

Sometimes pepto isn’t strong enough. For those times, there’s Imodium.

Motown Philly Back Again

Had a great time in Philly last night. Took forever to drive downtown. Immediately tried to find a space and met Cranky parking guy. He was really nice after I parked my car for $15 his way. Then walked the 5 or so blocks to 6th street to see Independence Hall. Too late to see liberty bell though. Incredible!!! Then headed over to South street, think 6th street in Austin, Greenville in Dallas and Haight Ashbury in SF. Very busy very liberal very odd. Six “stripper clothes” stores mixed in with restaurants with a Gap and Starbucks! On to Jim’s to order a traditional Philly Cheesesteak. My contact, don’t know his name, said I had one shot to order and I needed to say, “Whiz steak with onions mushrooms and sause.” Translated it’s cheese steak with a little cheeze whiz, some onions and musrooms and pizza sauce. I thought it was going to be yucky, but it turned out being really good.


Philly Cheesesteak Guy

South Street

Cranky Parking Attendant

Independence Hall

Sweet Child Of Mine

I’m here! Waiting at gate 12 terminal A of DFW International on my way to Philadelphia. I love to travel. Business travel is kind of poopy because A can’t go with me, but it’s such a people watching adventure.

“AI” did an excellent job of dropping me in the “hot zone”; terminal and gate! I was so hungry and I know Philly won’t have any good “mezkin” food. Lucky me there was a Taco Hell right across from my gate. Mmmmmm, sweet nectar of the Virgin Mary Guadalupe!! With extra cheese and fire sauce. Of course Taco Villa is my first choice.

I love the people watching that goes on here too. Lots of oogling, but also some terrorist spitting. None today. I have learned this from working at Big School. College girls don’t wear underwear anymore and they aren’t afraid to hide it. How do I know? It’s obvious with their white clothes and no panty lines. How can you not notice? Saw one with mom, dad and grandma at the airport wolfing down my bean and cheese burrrrrrrrrito!

Glad I checked my ticket. Gate changed on me from when I checked yesterday. “M” helped me get my freq flyer miles straightened out. The nice lady at the counter also gave me a window seat instead of middle of the isle. She’s so cool. I offered her a kiss or a Rice Krispy treat – don’t tell “H” I have them; left him some at home – she didn’t bite on either, just said get on the plane. Turns out she gave me an aisle seet. Dumb broad.

Better go, I have to decide what movie to watch on the loaner laptop on the way up. I’m thinking Gladiator. What do you think?

Ok, gladiator it is. Met a nice guy waiting to board, Jerry. He’s been on 150 + cruises with Royal Caribbean. Really great guy. Has no family except his mom and his hobby is traveling. Lives in Florida and says the last hurricane is his last.

Flight is empty so I moved to an aisle all by myself. Like butter on a biscuit, it’s all good! I moved from a seat that a lady is traveling with her Taco Bell dog, Noelle. Hmmm, could Taco Bell be a theme on this trip?

Anyone have any favorite traveling stories? Have to go, big battle scene is starting on the DVD. Switched to South Park Episode 101, Cartmen Gets An Anal Probe. Favorite lines from this episode.

Chef: That’s where they stick a big hubajube up your butt.

Cartmen: Someone’s bakin’ brownies!

Mr. Garrison as Mr. Hand: Well Kyle, No! You go to Hell, you go to Hell and you die!!!

Mr. Garrison: Eric, do you need to sit in the corner until your flaming gas is under control?

More Girl Friend Smack – The K Series part 2b

This is a quick run down of stories I will combine into one person so as to protect the innocent and make the story THAT much more entangled so as to confuse things more. But also to reveal what “S” always said and we later found true, “High school relationships are bogus.” Got it? (All of these events actually happened.)

Like I said in GFS part 2a, I had an interesting dating life. Let’s call the fictional girlfriend I am going to roll things into, Margaret. Margaret is an amalgamation of many different girlfriends I dated.

Margaret was amazing. We met on a foreign language competition in San Angelo, Texas. She was cool. Her dad owned an oil company. So I asked her out to a movie on Saturday night and it was great. She was really sweet. Then we had ice cream on Sunday. Then on Monday she didn’t acknowledge me at all; the kind of dis-acknowledgement that they don’t even admit that they know you in front of their friends. I felt so used. I used to drive by her house and scream, “You could have had me, MARGARET!!” I chuckled every time I did that. I’m sure it freaked Margaret out.

Then one day Margaret decided to go out with me since we were both in band. She was really cool then, my senior year. At the first of the summer she saw me get in a car with some other friends and wouldn’t talk to me or even explain her silence until 2 years later when were going to the same university together. Then she liked me again, until my parents broke up. Then she couldn’t handle a friendship. Oh Margaret, you were so coy!

Margaret and I went out once again and her dad was so strict. He was one of those, “I have to interrogate you to put my Nazi SS skills to use before you go out with my daughter” types. No biggie. I wanted to tell him I was independently wealthy and I was going to purchase his life in a hostile takeover, but I didn’t. The movie started at 7:00 and it was 6:30.

So Margaret later dated my friend “K” and broke into his car while it was at my house. And she shoe polished it with something and stole his garage door opener. Oh Margaret! You’re so funny!
Then there was the time Margaret … wait … no that was later in life.

I guess the be all end all of it was that I chose poorly sometimes, I was duped sometimes and sometimes it was both of us. Any way you view it, both sides can claim some strange behavior. And that’s why dating in high school is bogus.

Please share your strange dating stories …

Old Girlfriend Smack – K Series part 2

It’s been so long since I wrote I feel like I took a sabbatical. I haven’t. Big Contractor Company is tightening the screws on us to complete the big project. It’s kind of cool. I have something to do now. I have a reason for existence.

But back to the post …

This is the second in the series of posts suggested by “K”. I’m sure “AI” and “D” – player to be named later in the Cast of Characters – will get a kick out of this musing. “K” wanted me to talk about my totally dysfunctional girlfriend smack when we were in public-school-dom.

Let me tell you about prom. We called it CATOICO, it’s an acronym. It’s one of the oldest high school traditions recorded in the state. Very cool! I’m way into institutional tradition. Basically, a court is presented and there is some entertainment and then we have a dance and then others get sloshed and have embarrassing stories to tell the rest of their lives and reasons not to let their kids leave the house until they are 40. It’s small town Texas …

Anyway, my date was really nice. I didn’t know her well, but I discovered a lot about her later. First she lived like way in the middle of nowhere. Past BFE and take a right is close. I think I had to pass the first star until morning.Her dad’s house looked like the inside of The Old San Francisco Steak House. Might have even been a swing. ( you’ll get it when you read the link ). I start getting ready at 1:00 PM and the court isn’t presented until 6:00. That’s how far out of town she lived.

So I pick her up and we go to the court presentation and then to dinner with “S” and his date. We totally convince “S’s” date that chewing gum in Chinese is “moo-goo-shu-shu”. My date is drinking the kool-aide on “moo-goo-shu-shu” as well. They finally got it and did that girl thing, “It…. Is….. NOOOOT!”

So we go to the dance. Descent band. At about 12:00 I need to take my date home. So we are driving in my car and I have Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits Vol. I playing and the piano man starts into “The Entertainer” and my date goes nuts. She starts telling me I’m going to hell and Billy Joel’s going to hell and he cusses too much and on and on … Usually they go nuts and gripe me out after the date. It was premature-gripe-ulation.

So I cut it off. Anyone who can’t handle the acid tongue of the piano man needs to rethink his or her existence. It’s a long 2-day drive back to her house. Around 1:00 AM I drop her off. (Notice I have burned 12 hours of my life on this date.) It was a long hour back to my house. My date later went on to get a degree from a religious college in interior design I think. Go figure.
I’m sure she is happy somewhere decorating the inside of chapels all over the world.

It was a prom I will never forget.

Stay tuned for GFS (girl friend smack part b) …

Some People Call Me Maurice

Let me just tell you that “A” is upset at today’s news. Kenny Chesney has married Renee Zellweger. Yes, and “A” is upset. Not in a so mad she throws things at me kind of way, but more upset that Kenny would run off and get married to that “liberal” movie star. If anyone should be upset it’s me.

Cute Couple

I mean really, he’s a short bald guy who has to wear a hat all the time. And HE got Renee Zellweger? It seems to be a little trend in country music. Bald guy who has a hat surgically attached to head marries gorgeous hottie. Tim McGraw and Faith hill probably were his best man and the maid of honor. The Hair Club for Men hosted the reception.

I guess Kenny completes Renee. I wonder if she had to redo the whole scene from Jerry Maguire where he gives his vows as a long speech and she just kind of sniffles and says, “You had me at hello.” Oddly enough he has a song with that title.

So this was better to talk about than me and “M” arguing about her not doing her homework last night. I didn’t check her homework for the second time last night. Yes, and she didn’t correct her homework the first time I checked her homework. It’s a Steve Miller “Joker” kind of morning.

Welcome To The Boomtown

Yea, well, it’s not going as planned. So what’s new? Got bad news Friday. I’m going to Philadelphia in mid-May. Never been there so I’m holding judgment. The contractors decreed it would be “favorable” to have some super-technical training before the project begins. I can’t disagree, since I was the player to be named later in the draft when “School” bought into “Big Software Package”. So I’m going on a paid trip to another state. What’s so bad about that? Well, I’ll tell ya …

“M” and I have been planning a super doper Star Wars trip for months – think September of 2004. It’s a scheduled thing since episodes I, II and the Lord of the Rings came out. We go with a super cool former co-worker “AI” (check the “Cast of Characters”). “AI” is uber-Star Wars dude. I had not found my match till I met him. A true connoisseur without all the geekiness. This year was going to be the big finally, fireworks, extended guest list, maybe even a hidden light-saber to make fun of all the first day geeks there. But alas …

“M” is still going, but I have had to graciously bow out. I’ll see it. “AI” has graciously provided a Cliff Notes DVD to Star Wars so that “A” and I can watch before I drag her to the local cinema-mega-plex-orama. I know “A” won’t like it, but I want her to go with me. If she fights it, I go alone. Just like me and Episode IV when I was 7. Alone …

All day was spent trying to book hotels and flights and cars. TFM helped with reservations as his corporate mother-ship is docked in PHL. Once again TFM is a handy sidekick to keep around!

I’ll be out for 4 days. Hoping to get a laptop this trip so I can post and feed the internet junkie in me. Feed me … burp! I love this blogging. My English teacher would be proud.

Other news of note, I’ll post more pics here soon. New cell phone from the “School”

Also – I have a new blog. Go visit it and comment. It’s technical support tips and tricks for the “un-churched”. Great help to those who have never dealt with or want to deal with tech support. It’s called Take The Defaults – Dude.

Until tomorrow …