As Kramer said, “I’m out,” slapping the bills on the counter at Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment. Or maybe you remember Token from South Park’s episode of “The Return of the Lord of the Rings to the Two Towers”. His words were, “I’m done.”
That’s me. I’m done. A few months ago, A and I made an executive decision; a decision that affects the space-time continuum.
No more children.
Nurse Betty called yesterday and said, “I’ve got good news, no more sperm!” I guess you could say I’m free to roam about the country!
In my younger, more idealistic days, I always dreamed of being a partner in a law firm with a wife that wore those little knit cardigan sweaters and paisley print skirts and brown leather shoes. We lived in a nice house and I was a sports contract attorney. Two kids, one dog, one wife. Nuclear nirvana.
As such, reality changed all those childish fantasies. I have 2 step kids, 1 daughter and 2 dogs and one wife – thank God I only have one wife! I got more than I bargained for on all fronts.
A asked me yesterday how I felt about not having any kids. To me that meant, “Are you sure about this, ’cause I’ll do more?” My response has stayed the same. I can’t afford more kids, and if God really wants me to have more, there is nothing I can do to stop it. No knife, hormone or prophylactic can stop God’s plans.
But that question made the little flash-back feature film go nuts in my mind. A We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Joel kind of film. The whole of my life encapsulated in the blink of time ending in the thought of my daughter’s blue eyes.
The resulting conclusion is this:
No more offspring bearing my last name.
And that is as it should be. I have, since about 1990, wanted my family name to end. The birth of a girl was fortunate to me. A son would have been just as fortunate, but meant the name would continue. My family name is very proud. Signers of the Declaration of Independence, decorated war heroes success stories here and there, but I wanted it to end. My dad sullied the name pretty good. It was time to stop it and move on.
A has said on numerous occasions that she would have had another if I had asked. My response at times is, “Whose baby are you going to have?” But most of the time its, “Ya, I know you would, but we have enough and I can’t give them the quality I want as it is. We better stop if we like to eat.”
I can’t split my time up any more than I am either. Got home last night and let little a make me something in her little tykes kitchen. Then I helped M with her homework. Actually, I ended up doing it with her. Little a went to bed and that was all the time there was. I rubbed my wife’s back until she fell asleep and drifted off to dream myself. And like Nicholas Cage’s character, H.I. from Raising Arizona, I thought of many things. And I dreamt of a beautiful place for my kids and this quote came to mind:
“If not Arizona, then a land not too far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable. And all children are happy and beloved. I don’t know. Maybe it was Utah.”
Edge Of The Blade 