The first time I started my masters, I was forced to take Freshman Psychology. Here I was getting my masters in counseling and I was being required to take the lowest level psychology class. I learned very little other than schizophrenia is a fascinating disorder.
While in class I met a guy trying to get his BBA. He was in his mid 40’s and taking advantage of a program to get 2 years credit in one semester from “life experiences”. In short the whole idea infuriated me. He would talk about how hard his papers were and how hard it was to try to relate his life experiences into a paper covering the basics of finance.
I wanted to say, “Well, I took finance and accounting and marketing and management and a load of other courses and you can’t tell me you’ve done any of it or learned it selling screws to truck drivers.” He was trying to shortcut the process. In short, he cheapened my business degree by getting the same degree in half the time. Shortly after they canceled the “life experience” path to a BBA.
In the same way I think a lot of people are trying to shortcut marriage but in different ways. I read and responded to a post yesterday concerning how tough marriage is and how commitment isn’t required in marriage. In fact, who needs marriage? I’ve only had 6 years experience of being married and my wife has a total of 13 years. It’s hard. You have to start at the beginning and work at it. Now the other poster had said that marriage needs to change because things are different now. Gay people should be able to marry and open marriages are ok and, well, hey why do we need to have marriage anyway. *
I contended that what has changed is NOT the institution. What has changed is people. People don’t want to reach to the level it takes to commit and do the hard work. Basically, they want something for nothing. They want an MRS or a MR, but only want to experience the easy parts of marriage.
The solution to gay marriage is not to re-define the institution. That’s what quitters do. The solution of living together does not equate to a committed relationship. The back door is always open in a live-in situation. It costs you something to get out of a marriage. So the question arises, does commitment make a marriage or does a marriage even require commitment?
My response is this: if you are truly committed to someone, truly, madly and deeply, then you have no fear in any commitment. If you are simply testing the waters to see if maybe you might want to commit, then you aren’t committed. You’re playing house until things get rough.
I love the story of the chicken, cow and pig who want to make breakfast for the farmer. Each committed to giving something to the farmer’s breakfast. The cow some milk, the chicken some eggs and the pig some bacon. You tell me who had commitment and who was just involved?
The same must be said for our society in general. Who among us are truly committed to the established institutions and who among us just want to change the rules because it’s a little bit easier and claim the institution needs to change?
* I understand some of you are living with your sig other. I don’t want to call you out or say you don’t have what it takes to be married. Even those of you who are divorced could potentially be angry. All I’m saying is that the debate of opening marriage and re-defining it is not a solution it’s just lowering the standard.
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In a different life I was somewhat of a preacher … sort of. My faith is still intact although my practice has somewhat wavered in recent days. I am glad God does not let us go, but allows us to roam now and then. At one point I was guiding 125 singles. And wasn’t that a little like letting the fox lead the chickens?
Edge Of The Blade 
